As I was sitting at the side of my bed, elbows on my knees, my head in my hands and the never-ending tears streaming down my face on a night in December of 2004, I felt something that is beyond words. The most amazing feeling of calm overcame me, and right then and there, I knew I would be okay. When I was going through my divorce, for countless nights I would sit at the side of my bed and cry...I had never felt so alone, so scared, and so helpless...until the night I finally was still and let God into my heart. I sat there and prayed...and prayed...and prayed for answers to so many different questions...when I finally stopped and gave it all to Him, He answered. He told me that everything was going to be okay and that I should fear no more. That He would take care of me.
Since that night, my life changed. If I could give anything in the world to each of you, it would be the courage to know God. For me, knowing that I am not in control, was the greatest gift of all. Knowing I can turn to Him for answers to EVERYTHING is amazing. I remember the first few times I went to church at Cornerstone...I sat and cried. Everything they said, I felt they were talking right to me. The world we live in is crazy. The pressure for achieving "The American Dream" is out of control. I lived in the world of want, and it is so evil! Letting God in and letting go of what I thought I should be, and accepting who I really was, was my turning point. I felt a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders...I can lean on Him for strength and know that He is in control. When I finally stopped asking for things, is when the things that really matter in life, came to me...
I love you all! I pray for you each and every day. I hope to talk to or see you soon!
1 comment:
Kim-
The goal of the blog is to get to know each other and I think that is wonderful. I want to know who you are and learn about your life. I am not sure if this is going to come out the way I want it to but here it goes...
I am happy you have found a life you are content and happy with. I am happy for you. I have my beliefs regarding god and my hope is that you are willing to understand this. I am truly happy with my life at this point in time.
I am sorry you felt all alone...it still hurts me to hear you write that because I would like to think I would have tried to be there for you. It's hard for me to understand even though you have told me why it was something you never shared with anyone. As I read your blog I feel my job as a sister has been replaced by god. I thought my job as a sister was to be there for you and be supportive.
I want to hear about your life and how things are going but the whole church thing is so far removed from me at this point in my life. I ask you to try and think about what your thoughts were regarding Cornerstone a few years ago. I understand you are no longer there and your life has changed but at least think about it.
I look forward to learning how to improve my life and not take a path you took because there wasn't anyone there to help you...but please don't force god on me. As I am typing this I don't know what to say for you to understand what I am saying...I understand god is a part of your life and I don't want you to feel like you can't talk about it but I also don't want to feel like I am not a good person because I continue to want a life which doesn't involve god in the way you described.
I hope as sisters we can continue to get to know each other and not just for us but for our nieces too.
Wishing you all a good rest of the day.
Love Tina
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